the end

on june 3, my teaching career ended, and with it, this blog.

thanks for laughing with me.

definition

we were reading a story that talked about a man named scott...

reagan: my aunt's ex-boyfriend is named scott.

adriano: what's an ex-boyfriend?

sam: i'll explain, miss a. ok. first, you kiss someone. now he's your boyfriend. then you kiss someone else. and the first one becomes your ex-boyfriend.

reagan: that's CHEATING!!!!

sam: same thing.

religion

two of my reading students were leaving class to do their first confession. some students asked me what it was.

me: i'm not exactly sure what they do, i'm not catholic.

sam and reagan (with wide eyes of disbelief): YOU'RE NOT CATHOLIC?!?!?!?

adriano (with a look of great confusion): what are you, russian?

sam: no, she's probably pigtivian. (i think he meant presbyterian)


***

so there you have it. the world's religions narrowed down to three: catholic, russian, or pigtivian. so what are you?

bathroom

the bathroom in our classroom has no lock, which has led to some embarrassing situations. dea, always a "take charge" kind of girl, took matters into her own hands and made this sign for the bathroom door:


OCCPIUD
do not come in!


(i have no idea what an occpiud is, but i'm not going in to find out.)

women

we had been talking about important women in the american revolution. etienne was trying to remember deborah sampson, but was confusing her with another important woman we had studied...

etienne: was it joan of arc?....wait, who was joan of arc?

matteo: she was the one that got barbecued.

president

i was showing my class a replica of the declaration of independence and trying to convince them that it was the real thing because president obama had started letting teachers check it out for two weeks at a time to show their students. they weren't sure what to think because sometimes i joke around a lot with them (no kidding), but they really wanted to believe this one. alessia, in her sweetest most pleading voice with her big puppy dog eyes, finally asked,

"please miss a, just tell us the truth, did mr. bahama really let you borrow the declaration of independence?"

beard

i showed sam a picture of my oldest brother, who is 2 years younger than i am.

sam: who's older, you or him?

me: guess

sam: him, because he has a beard.

me: so if i was the older one, i'd have the beard?

sam: yeah, that's right.

me: sam, i'm a girl

sam: so?

me: i'm the older one.

sam: you're older and he has the beard? weird.

weird indeed, sam. weird indeed.

head

santa had just visited the italian class, accompanied by tassilo's mom.

hannah: tassi, why does your mom always do everything?

tassilo: because she's the head room mother.

hannah: what does that mean, head?

tassilo: she's the king of room mothers.

hannah: oh, like the headmaster. he's our king.

tassilo: yeah, that's right.

hair

from jennifer:

"your hair looks like you're tired."

what a respectful way to tell your math teacher that it looks like she didn't comb her hair that day.

color

philip: miss a, what do you want for your birthday? a boyfriend?

me: sure.

sam: do you want a black one or a white one?

me: how about an italian one?

sam: oh, ok. so tan?

dance

one of the fluorescent lights in our classroom has started to flicker. (so annoying.) philip (who is not in my homeroom) saw it, shook his head, and muttered, "it's so unfair."

"why is it unfair, philip?" i asked.

"because your class could have a dance party every day. you have a disco light."

that's one way to look on the bright side.

mistake

oh, the difference one letter makes when you're an english language learner!

(imagine this with a stereotypical russian accent)

anna: miss a, you have boyfriend!

me: no, anna, i don't.

anna (to the class): guys, don't listen to her! she is just killing us!


(don't worry, though, i wasn't killing them...or even kidding, for that matter.)

eggs

upon seeing that i chose a hard-boiled egg from the lunch line,

sam: you don't like eggs!

me: who says?

sam: well, i don't like eggs!

me: so what makes you think that i wouldn't like eggs?

sam: well, we're related.

hot

me: does anyone feel hot?

everyone: no, it's ok.

me: i think it's pretty hot in here.

skye: take off your cardigan.

sam: take off ALL your clothes!

turtle

i'm no artist. i don't claim to be. but it did sting a little when matteo said:

"i think you should draw another turtle. and this time, give him feet instead of wheels."

smell

matteo was very enthusiastically telling etienne a story, to which etienne was listening attentively. when matteo was done, etienne excitedly turned to me, ready to share some fascinating tidbit from the story...

"matteo smells like batteries."

...or not.

conspiracy

while discussing barbarian tribes of the middle ages:

sebastian: so are the huns the most evil?

gad: no, the fbi is.

new

sara was changing her chair with the one at the empty desk next to her.

"sara, is there something wrong with your chair?" i asked her.

"no. but this one is fresher."

potato, potahto

etienne: my friend used to come here, but now he goes to prison school.

matteo (to me): he means juvy, right?

ceiling

while on our field trip to the planetarium, i watched connor wander around looking up at the black ceiling. not seeing what had his attention, i got closer until i overheard him muttering to himself, "that ceiling sure could use a little more pizzazz."